Category Archives: Thoughts and Musings

In God’s Perfect Timing

I’m exhausted. Sebastian Alexander went topsy-turvy and exchanged night for day and didn’t allow me to sleep a wink all night. It’s hot, and I’m sweaty, sore from nursing, and I stink of stale breastmilk. My hair has not been combed and I’m wearing stained clothes from lactating. My vain self is crying. Not the best days for camwhoring.

I am a mere shadow of my former self. That realization jarringly came to me on our first day home from the hospital and was something I had to deal with lots of tears and coming to terms. Unknown to a lot of people, there was a time when I didn’t want kids. My reason being, that I thought I was too selfish and self-indulgent to want a child. I know now that there is a part of me that is too selfish and self-indulgent and I had to say goodbye to that when I delivered Basti.

I don’t have any regrets. In fact, I’m very thankful that I had my child now. Some people have expressed their shock that I chose to have a child so late in life (exagg though, I’m only 35. Again, “may edad” na naman ang mga taong ito). I’m glad though that Basti came now instead of earlier.

For those who don’t know me, this was what I used to do:

I would cartwheel around the world.

Hike lengths to see Mt. Everest up close.

Drag a backpack through Tibet.

Play with children all day long as a career.

These days, only one child matters.

I have no regrets, but I do miss one thing the most.

I miss being a wife to my husband. It seems like my whole life revolves around being a mother. He understands, of course. Even though we’re together all day in the house, I miss Orley so much. I can’t wait till we can go out on a date again.

For some people, having a child at 35 is a bit too late. For me, it’s the perfect time. I lived my single life to the hilt and there was no better time to settle down than when Orley and I got married.

I believe I will get some semblance of my old life back. I believe I will look the way I used to again. And I believe the real me, not this tired, messy woman with mom-hair, is still inside somewhere.

A Few Moments…

Because that’s all I have. A few moments. I gave birth last Wednesday to Sebastian, at 12:56am, and my world hasn’t been the same ever since.

I will blog about the birthing experience very soon. But right now, I’m just relishing the eye before the storm. It’s a few minutes before Basti is due for another feeding. In between nursing, burping, diaper changes, and trying to get some sleep when the Basti sleeps… well, there’s very little time left to do anything else.

At this point I would like to thank my friends, moms and single women alike, who took the time to send me a Facebook message, an email, a text and every other way they could to encourage me and get me through my post-partum baby blues. These first few weeks are not easy and your words are pulling me through. Thank you.

One week into Basti’s world and here are my thoughts:

1. If you are a woman who says you don’t want children, I respect your decision. Being a mother is not easy and if you are brave enough to say that you don’t want to deal with it, then so be it. You are not a lesser woman because of your decision not to procreate.

2. Though I am a breastfeeding advocate and will always champion the benefits of pure breastfeeding, I will never judge any mother who chooses to feed their children formula. Breastfeeding is 100% commitment. It hurts like hell and you are the only one who can do it for your child, no matter how supportive your husband is. You will have to be the one to wake up at all hours, endure painful breasts and think of sleep as something you used to do.

3. What pregnancy has done to my body is downright depressing.

4. I look at my previous albums posted in Facebook and think what a far cry my life is now compared to before. I am so glad I did it all – worked in China, saw Mt. Everest, had broken hearts and love affairs – before settling and having a child. It’s time for new adventures, and they’re not about me anymore.

And on that note, I can hear Basti whimpering for mama’s milk. Till next time.

A Life Devoid…

.. of holidays.

Adel‘s tweet about the coming long holidays on September 7 and 21 didn’t incite even a small *whoop* from me. Since I’ve quit all jobs and became a stay-at-home-wife-and-soon-to-be-mom, joy over long weekends have become a thing of the past.

A normal day for us: Get up when we want, eat. Hubby paints, I tinker with my Mac. We eat again. We chat, we tinker with the Mac, we get sleepy. We nap. We wake up, eat, maybe take a walk, then hubby paints again. Sometimes I go do the groceries, and I used to go to the gym. Then we eat again. When Orley tires of painting, we watch a DVD. When we get sleepy, we sleep. Repeat.

The highlights of our days are a trip to Megamall to attend exhibits and harvest art scene gossip. Sometimes Orley gets bored and we go to Manila Bay to a museum and take a walk. When we tire of the food at home we go to our favorite “paluto” places and trip on seafood. And sometimes, we pack up, lock up the house and fly to Orley’s hometown in Cebu for an indefinite period of time. We get sidetracked most of the time. I found myself on Panglao Beach not really remembering the steps on how I got there.

It may seem boring, but life with an artist never is. This is my view from my computer nook:

And my monthly shopping list reads like this:

  • Coffee
  • Creamer
  • Laundry soap
  • Cadmium red
  • Yellow ochre
  • Titanium white
  • Sansodor
  • Linseed oil

Life as a painter’s wife is hushed and frenzied, a lull and a storm, a bunch of contradictions wrapped up in paint, turpentine, beauty, pain and creation. It’s exhilarating.

I always asked God to lead him to the best life for me and my future family. True to His word, he gave it to us. For that I am thankful, grateful and blessed.

Getting Into The Blogging Groove Again

The hiatus from regular blogging has left my blogging mindset somewhere in year 2007. I used to be able to take out my camera on the fly, and blog about everything that peaks my interest.

Today I saw my little baby, lodged quite decisively and stubbornly in my “belly” (excuse the loose term. I don’t want to reduce anyone with a Y chromosome to jelly). And I forgot to take a pic of the screen. Hello?

You wanna know what I took a pic of???

My husband’s Bread Talk hot chocolate

Quite pathetic, I know.

Boring life events aside, it was nice to be in Rockwell again after a long time. I used to spend every single waking moment of my life in Rockwell, working at Gymboree for 7 days a week for a few months (where I got the energy, I dunnow). I was surprised to see a “Gymbo is coming back” banner on the top floor of the mall. I didn’t take a pic of that either. (Boo to me)

We passed by this art exhibit at the North Wing:

On exhibit are:

1.  2.  3. 

4. 

  • 1: Buds Convocar – I found this painting different from other ones I’ve seen of his in other exhibits.
  • 2: Buddy Ching – Different from the realism-slash-abstract stuff I saw at the GSIS competition and the Saturday Group exhibit at Art Center in Megamall. I quite like it.
  • (Picture censored by Photobucket): Ojing Obemio – A refreshing break from his harvest series that he was doing for the longest time. The 2nd breakaway piece I’ve seen, the first being his GSIS entry.
  • 3: Sunshine Plata – First time I’ve seen her work. Very whimsical with varied subjects, set apart with her choice of medium – Coffee on paper. Uh-huh. Coffee.
  • 4: Nic Masangkay – Not really familiar with Nic’s work, but I recognize his name from all the art talk I’m inadvertently exposed to.

My favorite from the whole set is:

This is Ross Capili’s mixed-media piece. I find the mix of subjects interesting and was moved by the composition.

Sunshine Plata had a significant number of pieces in the exhibit. I wonder if she’s an in-house artist with Yellow Door Gallery.

Disclaimer: I am no art expert. I am a noob at this whole art scene thang. All opinions are my own, not influenced by my husband. My opinion is based on my own personal taste.

Whew. Not too bad. Maybe the groove will come back sooner than I expect.

Breaking Ground

I always say it. New life, new blog.

Long have I been a blogger here, and here. I have my fair share of readers, mostly friends and acquaintances, people who actually know me and like to amuse themselves with the adventures of my everyday existence. There have been a few.

When the adventures “stopped” (read: got married and settled in Manila), the blogging sort of waned. (Oh right, there was also Twitter) I had to adjust myself to the new meaning of “adventure” in my life. and rewrite my About Me page.

The first entry is always the most tedious. You never know what to say.

In the meantime, in case you are one of the few stragglers who bumped into my blog by accident and is mysteriously and inexplicably drawn to my personality, get to know my past here:

A Ding In The Universe

And I’ll happily, hopefully see you again here, in my present.

Cheers!